Something just wasn’t right.

Something just wasn’t right.

So I was re-born! I had always loved the deep south gospel music, the choirs had a way of giving one a kind of energy. Clapping and moving how could you stand still.  Suddenly church was fun, full of life, and what I always thought it should be. After all we are taught that God is loving and forgiving. I could finally forgive myself for all my wrong doing. I felt so good I felt magical.

Pentecostal to me was about living with the Holy Spirit‘s presence, feeling the connection in everything that happened.  I was going to church twice a week and would have went almost every night if it wasn’t such a long drive for me.  There was a happy energy every time you walked through the doors.

I was troubled though, all the speaking in tongues and people shaking, it  started to feel like a circus not only that but I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t able to speak in tongues or why my body didn’t tremble. Wasn’t I living right?  Then the sermons, I always thought God was forgiving and loving but what I was hearing was more about being a warrior, fighting against the evils of the world. I was learning that we were the right and anyone on the other side was against us. We had God on our side and we were invincible. It was starting to sound very hateful. I was reading books written by Benny Hinn, and Frank Peretti. Why didn’t everyone know that they were so wrong? Even found fault in other Christians. Because God was on my side.

Well changes were coming,  moving out of the area and I could say goodbye to my church without to much of a heavy heart. I wasn’t sure that I would find a church in the new area where I felt comfortable. Turns out there was a small church down the road from where we were living. It was much more down to earth and the message seemed to be realistic. Here I was ok, I worked with the youth group and even recruited a few. Things didn’t go well when the Elders decided they didn’t like all the “Heathen” young people that were coming. This is when I really started to turn away. Why wouldn’t God want these kids to learn about faith?

I still read books and tried to keep my faith, I read the bible from cover to cover, and I prayed that the  really bad things in my life would change. Nothing ever came of the prayers and things just got worse. There are many personal events that I could write but at this time I just don’t feel comfortable doing that. People close to me are just not ready to re-live those times.

I was feeling betrayed by my faith, I was seeing things around the world that I just couldn’t believe the God I grew up with would let happen, all the pain and suffering, all the hate and indifference. People starving, being cruel to animals and using them for their own purpose (I always thought we were to be the care takers of God’s creatures, somewhere that went horribly wrong). We destroy the beautiful earth we call home so we can have things. Over populating ourselves to the point that we can’t sustain ourselves.  Dirty politicians using God’s name to get ahead and also to justify wrongful way they use power. Money is worshipped more then anything. They say wars are fought over Religion,  oil and resources are the religion I’m seeing these days.

People don’t know wrong from right, people follow like lemmings.   Some may say this is prophesy. Sure there are predictions. I know the reason I hung on for so long was fear, fear of saying I don’t believe any more. But so many like minded thinkers know exactly what I’m talking about.

Science was all ways my favourite subject in school, when I took Anatomy and Physiology it was hard to imagine anything but a creator makeing the human body so perfect. Could this just happen? Flipping the coin though I knew I could never believe that the earth was just a few thousand years old. Another question never answered was about the two testaments, if Jesus claimed his teaching were the ones to follow how come it’s so easy to jump back into the old and pick the verse that suits the moment?

Opening my mind up  I have looked and studied what others around the world  believe and I have found that most religion runs parallel to each other, more similar then different. And it’s everyone’s right to feel and believe what they need to. I would never hold that against anyone.

Cults and new religious movements in literatur...
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I would not say that I don’t believe that Jesus didn’t exist, I’m pretty sure he did but my thoughts are more along the line that he was a man much like Buddha , enlightened and a  teacher.

So have I become an immoral person since I evolved to this point? The answer is I feel much more moral, and very peaceful.

REM not the only ones that lost their Religion.

REM not the only ones that lost their Religion.

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Yes I often feel spiritual, but I can’t always explain it. What ever it is that I will come to believe in or not believe I am very much at peace with my life and my self. I was raised in a very loyal Lutheran home. Grew up singing in the choir every Sunday and often singing duets and trios with my parents sometimes even singing hymns in Norwegian.   As I grew older my rebellion and my stubbornness came through, however when I look back maybe there were certain reasons for that rebellion.  You see at around the age of 12 as a lutheran you must go to conformation classes. For two long  years once a week (missing a class was out of the question unless you were on your death bed or perhaps were a star on the local sports team and just couldn’t miss the practice or whatever).

Well for almost two  solid years I sat there every Wednesday night memorising Martin Luther‘s Catechism and it’s meanings. Memorising the Lords prayer‘s meanings as also written by Martin Luther.  Then the big fallout between my father and our Minister Paster Krebs took place. You see my dad had to make a trip to Norway and decided it would be good to plan it for Christmas time and take me along. My parents felt very strong about me going at the time and well I was over the top excited. Problem is I was going to miss 1 class, the other 2 weeks we were gone was a Christmas break.  Paster Krebs told my father point blank that if I missed that one class I would not be able to be confirmed with the others. Dad though this was harsh and ridiculous because like I mentioned before a certain guy had missed a class or two because of basketball.  We were only a couple of months away from confirmation at the time. Needless to say dad and I boarded that airplane and I never looked back at that class (I later went on to take the classes all over again and it was cool that time because my best friend Claudia took them with me. We had a new Pastor at that time and he was very old and didn’t catch that I was 1/2 asleep most of the time. (After all I already knew the stuff).

I grew away from going to church every Sunday and started exploring life and taking risks, such a risk taker I was. Oh has time went on I still felt the need to have my sons baptised soon after they were born. But the only time I ever attended church was when I visited mom and dad. It would be about 10 years before I would start going on my own will.

I saw a banner somewhere in Bend for the Power team, (crazy insane strong men for God) I thought the boys would enjoy watching them do all there muscle tricks so I planned to go, what I didn’t plan was that I would be completely in a trance by the end of the night. It was a Carnaval type atmosphere and I had never experienced anything like it. I got goose bumps and could feel wind touching my skin like it was embracing me, my mind was almost dizzy. The only thing  I can compare it to is doing psychedelic  drugs.  I had instantly changed and I didn’t know how to explain it except that the holy ghost had entered my heart and well I was told I was a child of god. The next few years of my life I have to say I was weird, I had changed I was now a Pentecostal. Whoa what a ride that was. I really don’t even feel I can talk about it to this day. I will say this though, my life and the life of those close to me went to hell in a hand basket.

It took several events to wake me up, but that’s a whole other story. I hope to tell soon.